dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
