If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
