And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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