Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
