none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
