my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
