He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
