she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
