watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
