i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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