I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
