I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think my moral compass just broke
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
