too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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