Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
