I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
