I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
