We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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