I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
