That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
3 2 1 whiskey
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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