i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
