I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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