are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
organizing the empties. That sober.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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