I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
