She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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