He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
