Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As shirtless as possible
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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