If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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