he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You took a bar mat shot.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
