Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We talked him into tasing himself.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
