Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
