During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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