I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
