Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
