you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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