my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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