you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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