Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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