The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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