I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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