I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
