She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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