I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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