All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
