For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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