he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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