Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
