he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
