Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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