Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
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The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
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I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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