Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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