She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
