Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
