There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
