It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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