Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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