yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
