Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
