I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
